Time: 3:36 am
Date: June 23rd 2013
Goodness gracious was I frightened out of my freaking mind. We’ve been talking for a couple days now and he wants to call me and talk to me. It is so freaking scary. I ask him before hand not to make fun of my stuttering, and he graciously agrees not to. Pinky promises, might I add. So I mentally prepare myself as the phone begins to ring. I answer on the first
Date: June 23rd 2013
Goodness gracious was I frightened out of my freaking mind. We’ve been talking for a couple days now and he wants to call me and talk to me. It is so freaking scary. I ask him before hand not to make fun of my stuttering, and he graciously agrees not to. Pinky promises, might I add. So I mentally prepare myself as the phone begins to ring. I answer on the first
ring, sorting through my closest, looking for my pajamas. I answer with a ‘Hello.’ and, of course, my voice freaking cracks. I nearly died of embarrassment. He didn’t seem to notice however and he began talking. I swear, his voice was absolutely amazing. If you could marry someone’s voice, I probably would be on my honeymoon with his vocal chords right this very minute. I mean, I’m an avid writer and I can’t even master the correct words to describe his voice. It was low at first, hesitant and husky. Almost as if he were nervous, but I couldn’t think of any reason to be nervous. He was talking to me for goodness sakes. I was the one who was supposed to be nervous, not him! It was endearing, however, this slight hesitation in his firm voice. It was more than endearing, really. I knew when talking for that very first moment that his voice had captured me. Yes, mushy mushy, I know, but I could remember how Austin’s voice had made me feel. Safe, warm, protected. I thought I’d never find another voice like that, and here on a slight chance, I caught a glimpse of another voice that made me feel the same way. Cradled, protected in warmth. I tried not to think about it, how that voice made me feel. I knew if I got too caught up in his voice, I was going to say something stupid and wind up having to stutter my way through the conversation.
At first, it was sort of awkward, of course. All I wanted to do was sit there and listen to him talk, but he had nothing to talk about. We made conversation out of the strangest of things, but it felt natural. I didn’t stutter at all, and that surprised me the most. Even when we got into the more personal topics about ourselves and I could feel my stutter threatening to take over, his soft voice kept it at bay. He asked me about my turn ons, and though my cheeks flared up like a fire engine, I was able to tell him at least one of mine. I told him about the little spot Austin found at the edge of my jaw, where it meets my neck, right before you reach my ear. That used to drive me insane. He’d kiss down my neck, running his nose over this spot, teasing me. Just thinking about it know makes me blush. I barely got that out however, and I knew if I continued I was going to burst into a stuttering fit. He told me some of his before I told him mine, and I wanted to tell him more, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to get it out. He said something along the lines of, ‘I know you’re the romantic type so you probably have a lot of little turn ons.’ I nearly melted, and the inner romantic inside me swooned. He was so preceptive, he saw right through me and in that moment I could feel myself falling ever so more slightly for him. Even the way he worded it was perfect and paired with that deep entrancing voice, I nearly died right there on the spot. It was all I could do not to gasp into the phone. Of course, I kept my composure, somehow, and we managed to go through conversation fluidly.
In one of the comfortable silences, I mentioned a “fun fact” about how I talk in my sleep. Probably one of the biggest slip ups I made. He was instantly interested in it, asking if I actually carried on a conversation and such. I tried to tell him as little as possible, but I didn’t really think anything of it. Of course, I was growing tired, it was early in the morning and I hadn’t been sleeping well anyways due to my nightmares. I accidentally fell asleep on him, and thinking back really hard on it I remember having a dream where he asked me if I wanted to go to sleep with him and I said yes. Apparently it went a bit farther than that, because when he texted me later that day, he said he’d asked me if I’d do it even though he was naked, and I apparently said yes. I don’t remember that, but it was certainly a nice embarrassing surprise to wake up to. I had a “bad” dream as Kalen used to so sickeningly fondly call them. I do remember parts of it, and I must say, it was pretty sexy, and goodness, my mind made up some amazing moaning noise for him, and god they turned me on. I can’t remembered the whole thing, it’s really fuzzy, but I can remember his moans so vividly. Dear goodness, if his moans in person are even half as sexy as they were in my dreams, I might seriously just completely melt. Right in front of him.
Anyways, despite all the sexy moans and dreams and sleep talking, it was a very good conversation. It ended with an I love you from him, and I kind of stumbled a bit. I am still afraid of being hurt and I don’t want to open up. So I’m going to tell him I love him, and I do in a way, but I am keeping up my walls for now. He won’t know any of my past. At least for the time being. I think it’s for the best anyways.
With Love,
A Striken Confused Girl
At first, it was sort of awkward, of course. All I wanted to do was sit there and listen to him talk, but he had nothing to talk about. We made conversation out of the strangest of things, but it felt natural. I didn’t stutter at all, and that surprised me the most. Even when we got into the more personal topics about ourselves and I could feel my stutter threatening to take over, his soft voice kept it at bay. He asked me about my turn ons, and though my cheeks flared up like a fire engine, I was able to tell him at least one of mine. I told him about the little spot Austin found at the edge of my jaw, where it meets my neck, right before you reach my ear. That used to drive me insane. He’d kiss down my neck, running his nose over this spot, teasing me. Just thinking about it know makes me blush. I barely got that out however, and I knew if I continued I was going to burst into a stuttering fit. He told me some of his before I told him mine, and I wanted to tell him more, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to get it out. He said something along the lines of, ‘I know you’re the romantic type so you probably have a lot of little turn ons.’ I nearly melted, and the inner romantic inside me swooned. He was so preceptive, he saw right through me and in that moment I could feel myself falling ever so more slightly for him. Even the way he worded it was perfect and paired with that deep entrancing voice, I nearly died right there on the spot. It was all I could do not to gasp into the phone. Of course, I kept my composure, somehow, and we managed to go through conversation fluidly.
In one of the comfortable silences, I mentioned a “fun fact” about how I talk in my sleep. Probably one of the biggest slip ups I made. He was instantly interested in it, asking if I actually carried on a conversation and such. I tried to tell him as little as possible, but I didn’t really think anything of it. Of course, I was growing tired, it was early in the morning and I hadn’t been sleeping well anyways due to my nightmares. I accidentally fell asleep on him, and thinking back really hard on it I remember having a dream where he asked me if I wanted to go to sleep with him and I said yes. Apparently it went a bit farther than that, because when he texted me later that day, he said he’d asked me if I’d do it even though he was naked, and I apparently said yes. I don’t remember that, but it was certainly a nice embarrassing surprise to wake up to. I had a “bad” dream as Kalen used to so sickeningly fondly call them. I do remember parts of it, and I must say, it was pretty sexy, and goodness, my mind made up some amazing moaning noise for him, and god they turned me on. I can’t remembered the whole thing, it’s really fuzzy, but I can remember his moans so vividly. Dear goodness, if his moans in person are even half as sexy as they were in my dreams, I might seriously just completely melt. Right in front of him.
Anyways, despite all the sexy moans and dreams and sleep talking, it was a very good conversation. It ended with an I love you from him, and I kind of stumbled a bit. I am still afraid of being hurt and I don’t want to open up. So I’m going to tell him I love him, and I do in a way, but I am keeping up my walls for now. He won’t know any of my past. At least for the time being. I think it’s for the best anyways.
With Love,
A Striken Confused Girl